Before We Say Goodbye
by Goddess Isa
Summary: This is the meeting Buffy & Angel had that we were deprived of after her return from Hell or wherever. Like we care where she was.


TITLE: Before We Say Goodbye  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: This is the meeting Buffy & Angel had that we were deprived of after her return from Hell or wherever. Like we care where she was.  
SPOILER: Early S6 Buffy/S3 Angel  
RATING: TV-PG  
DISTRIBUTION: http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Knock yourself out if you want it, just send me the URL so I can visit often  
DISCLAIMER: Joss owns the characters. Joss is The Devil. Lara Fabian owns the song. If you haven't gotten her self-titled CD, you MUST. She's amazing. Although I must tell you, this song isn't on the CD. I wouldn't want someone to go out and buy a CD to get a song with these lyrics like I stupidly did once with some band, Tonic or whatever.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I found this song by chance, and this came tumbling out of it. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
12/9/01  
  
  
  
"I should go," Buffy stood up and reached for her leather coat.  
  
"Right, you should get back," Angel stood and watched her, waiting.  
  
"Thank you. For coming here and—"  
  
"You don't have to thank me."  
  
"I—"  
  
"You never have to thank me for anything, Buffy. You know that."  
  
"I'm gonna go," she put the jacket on, her black tank top coming up and exposing her navel as she stretched her arms. Angel groaned and hoped Buffy hadn't hear him.  
  
She hadn't. She stood there for a minute, waiting to see what he would do, what she would do. Finally, she just turned around and started to leave.  
  
  
//Time stands still  
As you turn away  
All my thoughts run wild  
For a word to say\\  
  
  
"Buffy, wait."  
  
Those two words were enough. She turned around and waited, waited for him to grab her and hug her, for him to crush his lips against hers and beg her never to leave him again.  
  
But he didn't do any of that. Angel only handed her her bag. "You forgot this."  
  
"That's it?" she asked before she could think better of it.  
  
"Doesn't it have to be?" he asked. "This is your game, Buffy, I'm just playing by your rules."  
  
That much was true, and like always, it pierced her like a knife. She hated to be wrong, hated to be the cause for their separation. Yes, Angel had been the one to leave, but she had kept the distance between them. She'd sealed it with her own blood, in a lot of ways.  
  
Buffy loathed herself for it, and she loathed Angel for knowing the truth.  
  
Why couldn't he just blame himself like a good guy would? she asked herself.  
  
  
//Should I reach for you  
Could it be too late  
Can we give it one more try  
Here we stand  
On the border line  
And I search my heart  
For a reason why  
Did I love too much  
Did I hold too tight  
Can we leave it all behind\\  
  
  
"What are you staring at me like that for?" Angel asked finally.  
  
"I'm trying to figure out what I want," Buffy admitted.  
  
"No more Gay Fish Boy?" Angel asked with a smirk, and Buffy grimaced.  
  
"First of all, he wasn't gay, second of all, his name—"  
  
"Finn, I know, I know. I don't wanna talk about it."  
  
"You're jealous," Buffy allowed herself a smirk.  
  
"So what if I am? Is that gonna change anything?"  
  
Buffy didn't allow herself to think before asking, "What would you do if I said it would?"  
  
  
//Oooh baby, can we give it one more try  
I still want you by my side  
Oooh baby, you're the best thing in my life  
Can we give it one more try  
Before we say goodbye\\  
  
  
"We've been down this road before, Buffy. I admit how I feel, which you already know, you kiss me, make me want you, and then you stalk off to the closest abusive guy and take comfort in his arms."  
  
"What are you—"  
  
"You think I don't know about it?" he asked quietly. "How he treated you? That he used to hit you?"  
  
Buffy's cheeks reddened, and her eyes slid to the floor. She couldn't face him if he knew the truth, which he obviously did.  
  
"How could you let him do that to you? How could you take it?"  
  
"I tried to make it stop," Buffy cried. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. "I tried to change him."  
  
"You can't change people. You know that better than anyone."  
  
  
//All of your life  
You never took a chance  
So if you have to go  
I will understand  
But can you hold me now  
Think of what we had  
Let me love you one more time\\  
  
  
They were sitting in the kitchen of the hotel now, mostly a room with a fridge and a large bar where coffee makers sat and brewed all day and all night. Buffy sipped the hot chocolate Angel made for her and took in the scenery. "This place is amazing."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"No one else is here?"  
  
"I'm not sure actually," Angel dropped a sugar cube into his coffee and stirred it with his finger. When he licked his finger clean, Buffy couldn't help giggling.  
  
"Sorry," he blushed a little. "Human habits picked up over time. I think I've worked with Cordelia for too long."  
  
"I don't wanna go home," Buffy blurted out. She had a lot to say, and she wanted to say it all before she lost her nerve.  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"I don't wanna go home because if I go home, I have to see the house. I have to see Willow and Tara in my mother's bed, and I have to see Dawn and wonder what and who she is, and I have to try and stop hating them all for taking me out of wherever the Hell I was.  
  
"I don't wanna go home because there, I have to be someone special. I have to be Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, the perfect big sister, the best friend, everything. I don't wanna be any of those things, Angel. I just wanna be me.  
  
"I don't even know who 'me' is anymore," she admitted, "But I want to find out. I want a chance to find out. And it isn't going to happen there."  
  
Putting the mug down, Buffy stood up. She looked him in the eye and said, "Please don't say no just to get back at me."  
  
  
//Oooh baby, can we give it one more try  
I still want you by my side  
Oooh baby, you're the best thing in my life  
Can we give it one more try  
Before we say goodbye\\  
  
  
It felt like years since Angel had held her in his arms. He was holding Buffy bridegroom style, and they were kissing so furiously that neither of them were paying attention to where they were going. Buffy's ankles had crashed into three walls, and Angel had stubbed both of his big toes.  
  
His bedroom was on the second floor, and by the time they made it there, Angel's shirt had been ripped off and Buffy's skirt was all bunched up at the waist. Angel threw her onto the bed and they made love furiously, as though it were the last chance either of them ever had to be together. Maybe it was.  
  
Afterwards, when Angel didn't turn, he held Buffy in his arms while she cried.  
  
"I'm so afraid of losing you again," she whispered.  
  
"I'm not gonna let that happen. I promise."  
  
Buffy looked into Angel's eyes and wanted to believe him.  
  
She wanted to believe that with all her heart and soul.  
  
But she didn't. And there was nothing that could remove the doubt filling her mind. 


End file.
